my thoughts

I'm still a baby Christian and I know it. My walk with Christ would be very difficult to describe. There are times in my life that I'm borderline OCD when it comes to reading my bible and there are other times I can't sit down and read it to same my life. Right now I've been going through the "can't sit down and read it" phase. This doesn't mean God hasn't been teaching me anything, but it might be the reason I take forever to get what he has to say. I mean I swear he just says the same thing over and over all the time. A part of me is like I get it, you give me the what, but could you tell me how? Great example: Everything I read relating to Christianity seems to have some form of "blooming where you are at". In other words don't think of what you could do for God if you had more money,time,etc. What can you do for God with where you are right now in life. This is really hard for me. The thing I want sooo bad is a chance to go serve at an orphanage. Well, that probably won't happen for awhile.

I'm left with what can I do? How do I serve God? How do I get to know him like I once did? Well I'm sure that what is going on at this very second is another test of character God has thrown my way. I need to be nice even when others annoy me. Yes this time of life seems to be all about character development. Jason and I got both got frustrated with each other at the same time. If you know us you probably know that is rare. He reacted harshly with words and I just boiled internally. Afterwards I kind of patted myself on my back for not releasing my fury on him and then the holy spirit convicted me. I may not have been overly harsh in spoken words but to him who knows all thoughts, I overeacted as well. My thoughts weren't exactly saintly. Yes I still need alot of molding in the potter's hands. Humility is something I struggle with. That is one of the reasons I so desire to work with the poor and orphaned. I think God is just using this time to make me stronger so I can handle all he will dish out.

So I basically cut television out of my life a while back. I see a little tv here and there (mostly when I go to Jason's house) but for the most part I avoid it like the plaque. Most the time you can't find a movie (or even a commercial) that doesn't contradict my values. Since that time cuss words don't even slip out of my mouth when I'm mad. I'm also not plaqued by as many temptations to sin. I cut television out of my life because I realized it tends to just be a distraction. Although it's amazing how many new distractions I can find. The internet seems to be my new vice. There tends to be more good than bad from it though. I am encouraged reading about other christians, listening to christian music, and staying in touch with other christians. My life is filled with so many non-believers that this is my place to be strengthened by others. I can be such a weak christian especially with so many who talk negatively about my faith. Here I find those who need prayers and also those who pray for me. You can't get enough of that!

Kristi