Let me hear you

I feel like God is calling out to me and I can't hear him. I prayed and heard a sound that either resembles screetching tires or a female scream, I heard the name Dana. I asked God to send me if he wanted someone to be his feet to someone in trouble. I still wasn't sure if I was hearing him right. So I asked him what to do. I kept asking God to give me a clear answer as to what he was trying to say to me. Oh and I realized how terrified I would be if I were to meet an angel. Well, at least I got an idea of how scared I would be when I heard any little sound my head was like what if he sends an angel?

I decided to get in my car and ask God where to go. I started to say Krogers, but heard Kmart pop in my head. So I went still not sure if I was hearing God. I came up to two cars on the side of the road. Only guys *gulp*. I pulled over and asked if they needed to use my cell phone. They said they were fine and someone was already on their way. I continued to Kmart. I circled the parking lot a few times and nothing. Then I saw a cop pulled over in a parking lot to a close by business. The thought of checking it out came to mind as I went to dismiss it I thought I heard a yes. I reasoned with myself its not smart to go out of your way to see what some cops are up to. Then I told myself if God wants me to do something he will direct me. So I drove close by. The whole time asking God for direction. Nothing. So I headed home disappointed. Is God trying to tell me something? Does he just want to know if I will obey without question? Why can't I hear him clearly?

Lord, teach me to hear you,

Kristi

So much to think on

Today was my last final. I'm free from class for about a month. I promised God I would spend more time with him. I approached it with the wrong attitude. Its something I feel I have to do and everything inside of me is fighting against it. Lately I've realized I don't love God. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying I hate him or anything of the sort. I've known it has been this way for some time but I wouldn't have admitted it to anyone. Then after listening to some preaching one thing said don't spend time with Jesus because you have to, out of a feeling of duty, do it out of love. If you don't love Christ ask him to do whatever it takes for you to realize how perfect and wonderful he is so that you can love him. Thats where I'm at today. I've loved Jesus before but I let the fire die. I let all the outside circumstances kill my relationship with Christ.

So right now I am getting back on the horse so to speak. I've known that he has remained with me. I just forgot how to be with him. He is trying to speak and I'm straining to listen.

Prayers needed,

Kristi

Feeling dead

What have I done for Christ lately? I can't say I've done much. I haven't treated him with respect. Sometimes he knocks and I meet him with the mindset, "I'm sorry this isn't a good time for me." My mind has been filled with worries. I long to go rest in his arms shielded from the cares of this world and filled with his peace. I don't even really know how to right now. Reading my last blog reminded me that I need to seek him where I'm at, but that continues to be a struggle to me. I want to serve him with other christians so that together we might build each other up and be strong. I need a home church. I need to be with others, to pray for each other. I'm really weak in my faith right now but I long for so much more. This is just me being honest with myself. I feel pathetic, like why can't I just see God in my life again? Why can't I start really seeking him, its what I really want to do, but I always let myself get distracted.

Pray that i find a renewal of mind and spirit,

Kristi