A few notes

Tomorrow I will be on my way to Washington D.C. for the walk for life. I'm really excited and a little nervous. Wish me luck!

My brother wrote my mom two letters and after reading those it's finally real that he is in boot camp. I prayed real hard for him last night. I love him and I miss him.

This semester I'm taking on quite a load: Anatomy 2, Microbiology, Medical Measurements, and Nutrition. This was my first week back and so far all I got to say is thank the LORD for Great teachers! Hopefully first impressions are accurate. I still have 2 teachers to meet.

Goodbyes are hard! I'm excited that before this year is up I will be married to Jason and there will be much more time together, and a whole lot less goodbyes. It's starting to really hit me that we are getting married this year. It's still only semi-real most the time.

In summary Life is Good!

Speaking of that, I decided to listen to a suggestion from another blog and make a list of God's gifts in each day. The goal is to reach one thousand, but you can keep going after that.

What every woman needs in her man

Are you strong enough to be my man

Sometimes only Jesus can
open the door
help me see more
make me new
help me know what to do
but I still need you

make me pray when i want to complain
keep me from going insane
be strong and true
do what jesus would do
be his hands and feet
knock me off the judgment seat
be gentle but firm
even when i squirm

Are you strong enough to be my man

do you realize we are under attack
pray for all I lack
an enemy we cannot see
is after you and me
i know i am weak
its your strength i seek
insecurities fill my mind
safety in you i need to find

to know true love is to be filled with joy

My heart has been heavy. It often is. This morning God decided to make his love known. I couldn't sleep and I asked God for help. When I knew I wasn't going back to sleep I asked, " Is this our time?" Page numbers came to mind and in my tired state i thought they were consecutive, they weren't. I pulled out my bible and found the pages. It was Song of Songs. That is something I had decided not to read again until I am married. If God asks how can you refuse? So I read the words, Jesus was speaking to my heart and saying these are my words to you. This is how I feel about you. A little joy crept into my heart. Sometimes I feel like I can't learn enough, I want to improve myself so that I can become the woman he created me to be. This was his way of saying I see you and I am pleased with your longing to please me. More awake by this point I begin to wonder is this all he wanted to say? No more numbers in my head but I didn't want our moment to end. I flipped through the bible and read the pages that fell open. It was more about his love, but also about trusting in him. Finally with joy in my heart I fell back to sleep. I woke a little later for a few more verses, prayer, and then more sleep.

Today at work once I was the only teacher left I decided it was fun time. I turned up the music and really played with the babies giving each of them special attention. Wyatt danced with me, Derek cooed and laughed, other babies just smiled at my actions. It is only with babies and the Lord that I feel total freedom. With babies I can dance and let go of all worry of what they think. With God I can be me and not feel judged. He knows everything I'm going to say before a word leaves my mouth. If I tell him I am disappointed in the way he did something he's not going to yell and get all defensive. He might laugh and think, "Wait until she gets the big picture!" There is nothing I have to hide from God, I never need to protect myself by putting up walls. With him I can be completely me and his love is unchanging. He reminded me of that today. He also reminded me that babies are the most Godly company that I could ever hope to have. Many people say that all babies do is eat, poop, and drool. Well, that simply isn't true. They laugh and coo, they love like God does. They sympathise like god does. Try being in a room of babies when one starts to cry, its contagious. I can't type as fast as I think so I wish you could see babies through my eyes right now. They really are a precious gift from God.

Lesson learned with a side of rambling

I'm in a little distress because I know I had a personal revelation last night or early this morning, but I can't remember. I remember thinking I don't need to write it down, because of course I remember this. Well, of course, I was wrong. This is to be a lesson to me, ALWAYS WRITE IT DOWN and in GREAT DETAIL. I've been praying for guidance as most do, but in a different way. I actually ask God to give me visions. Many that I have talked to in the past think it is wrong to ask for such specifics, but I disagree.

I ask for visions because although they are so real and sometimes scare the crap out of me, I feel i can handle them. See, I believe in the impossible in such a way that many think I'm silly or ridiculous. I remember praying for help one time but begging God not to send an angel because I didn't think I could handle that. Not long before my prayer I had been reading something in the bible where God did send an angel to someone. So in my mind God was listening to my prayer thinking I'll send an angel. Upon that thought I was terrified and was like No God, not that.

So anyways, last night (or early this morning) I had some kind of vision. It's definately not the first time it's happened. I should have thought of before and known that the memory slips away so fast on such things.

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your spirit guide me on ground that is level. For your name's sake, LORD, give me life; in your justice lead me out of distress." ~ Psalm 143: 10-11

I would encourage the people of God to ask for the gifts of the spirit. I ask for visions because through them I find God's will in a way that encourages and helps me to see God's will. It is my preferred way to be guided. You know what? I ask and he delivers.

Many ask and dont expect to receive remember Luke 11: 9-13 " And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?"

Something to remember is that God does give, but on his terms not yours. That is something I get hung up on sometimes. I won't receive a vision every time I ask. I ask for the gift of visons and I get them when God has something he wants to reveal to me.

Happy New Year

So I made my New Year's Resolution a little early this year. I decided that I'm no longer going to act like what I can do depends on my circumstances. I had too many if this, then that statements. I told myself if I had my own house, I would have a special spot for worship. Well, I have a room and now it has a special spot for God. On my wall is a cross and some verses and prayers that have special meaning to me. It's a start. I'm not sure when I put it up, sometime last month but its been great. So this year it is my resolution to stop making excuses.

I had some strange dreams last night. They were very dark in nature. Yet the meaning was not. I dreamt of so much darkness, but I was someone who rescued people from this darkness. I lived dangerously for my King. I woke with passion and my heart on fire. This is the dream God has been stirring in my heart. I really do want to be a rescuer. Something that I can't remember whether it was dream or reality is praying for a heavenly strength and feeling this i guess you would say spiritual armor all around. I knew that God was really there in a wonderfully supernatural way. Something beyond words, but I know this is my longing, to be that close to him. It's an amazing thing. My passions and my heart long for more, more closeness more true friendship. I pray that I can truly reach the potential God created me for. I have a long way but God has a plan for all of us. I long for a year filled with true renewal of my spirit. Lord change me to fit your will. With your help my heart will be entirely yours.

"You have the oppurtunity to do this 100% right from now on." This statement is true to every area of your life. No matter what, you can change.

Love,

Kristi