to know true love is to be filled with joy

My heart has been heavy. It often is. This morning God decided to make his love known. I couldn't sleep and I asked God for help. When I knew I wasn't going back to sleep I asked, " Is this our time?" Page numbers came to mind and in my tired state i thought they were consecutive, they weren't. I pulled out my bible and found the pages. It was Song of Songs. That is something I had decided not to read again until I am married. If God asks how can you refuse? So I read the words, Jesus was speaking to my heart and saying these are my words to you. This is how I feel about you. A little joy crept into my heart. Sometimes I feel like I can't learn enough, I want to improve myself so that I can become the woman he created me to be. This was his way of saying I see you and I am pleased with your longing to please me. More awake by this point I begin to wonder is this all he wanted to say? No more numbers in my head but I didn't want our moment to end. I flipped through the bible and read the pages that fell open. It was more about his love, but also about trusting in him. Finally with joy in my heart I fell back to sleep. I woke a little later for a few more verses, prayer, and then more sleep.

Today at work once I was the only teacher left I decided it was fun time. I turned up the music and really played with the babies giving each of them special attention. Wyatt danced with me, Derek cooed and laughed, other babies just smiled at my actions. It is only with babies and the Lord that I feel total freedom. With babies I can dance and let go of all worry of what they think. With God I can be me and not feel judged. He knows everything I'm going to say before a word leaves my mouth. If I tell him I am disappointed in the way he did something he's not going to yell and get all defensive. He might laugh and think, "Wait until she gets the big picture!" There is nothing I have to hide from God, I never need to protect myself by putting up walls. With him I can be completely me and his love is unchanging. He reminded me of that today. He also reminded me that babies are the most Godly company that I could ever hope to have. Many people say that all babies do is eat, poop, and drool. Well, that simply isn't true. They laugh and coo, they love like God does. They sympathise like god does. Try being in a room of babies when one starts to cry, its contagious. I can't type as fast as I think so I wish you could see babies through my eyes right now. They really are a precious gift from God.